Ah, January. The time of year when regular folk dust off their trainers, swear off biscuits, and pledge allegiance to their shiny new gym memberships. For the next month, they’ll Instagram their smoothies, post selfies in neon gym gear, and compare bicep sizes in the mirror.
But farmers? Farmers just crack on with life, because their gym is the farm, and the workout is every single day. Let’s break it down.
1. The Gym Bro Deadlift vs. The Farmer Hay Bale Heave
The Gym: Some bloke in Lycra spends 20 minutes grunting while lifting a barbell that looks impressive but does absolutely nothing useful.
The Farm: You’ve deadlifted 15 wet hay bales into the trailer by breakfast. Each one is heavier than that gym bro’s ego, and at least your effort feeds animals.
2. Treadmill Sprints vs. Chasing Escaped Sheep
The Gym: Regular people pay to run in one spot, staring at a TV screen that’s showing nature documentaries.
The Farm: You’re sprinting across a muddy field chasing a sheep with zero respect for fences or your dignity. You are the nature documentary. “I don’t count steps. I count swear words yelled before I caught the bugger.”
3. Pull-Ups vs. Vaulting Over Gates
The Gym: People hang from bars in climate-controlled rooms, swinging like toddlers in a playground.
The Farm: You’re hurdling a frozen gate with a bucket in hand while simultaneously avoiding barbed wire and an angry cow. That’s parkour.
4. Sled Push vs. Wheelbarrow Wrestling
The Gym: Fancy weighted sleds pushed across astroturf for 45 seconds while everyone claps.
The Farm: You’re pushing a wheelbarrow uphill, full of muck or stones, with a flat tyre because “it’s still got one good one.”
5. Kettlebell Swings vs. Feed Sack Hauls
The Gym: Swinging a kettlebell to “activate the glutes.”
The Farm: You’ve hauled 25kg feed sacks all morning, thrown them on your shoulder, and flung them into the barn. Glutes? Activated. Arms? Burning. Coffee? Deserved.
6. Battle Ropes vs. Fixing Fencing Wire
The Gym: People wave heavy ropes up and down until their arms cry for mercy.
The Farm: You’ve spent hours pulling fencing wire tighter than a gym bro’s tank top. The satisfaction? When it pings into place and stays there.
7. Spin Class vs. Driving a Tractor with No Cab Heater
The Gym: Pedalling furiously on a stationary bike while pretending it’s fun.
The Farm: You’re bouncing along in an ancient tractor with a seat older than your dad. No cab heater. Frozen toes. Better glutes.
8. Yoga Flexibility vs. Ducking Low-Hanging Branches
The Gym: People stretch in calm, scented rooms while whispering “namaste.”
The Farm: You’ve perfected the art of ducking branches while riding the quad. Your reflexes are razor sharp, and your flexibility is unmatched.
9. Protein Shakes vs. Full English
The Gym: Meal prep boxes, protein shakes, and quinoa.
The Farm: Full English breakfast cooked at 5am because you’ve earned it. No kale smoothies required.
Conclusion: Farmers, The Original Gym Heroes
So, to all the city folk queueing up for their January gym memberships, we say this: Enjoy your treadmills and protein bars. Out here on the farm, we’ve been lifting, sprinting, and stretching for years — for free, and with actual purpose.
The farm is the gym. The workout is real. And there’s no better flex than getting the job done.
Now, who needs a gym selfie when you’ve got muddy boots and muscles earned the hard way?
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